It didn't take me long after yesterday's post to make a decision with my publishing and I have decided to self-publish with Amazon. I am really excited and can't wait till it is ready to purchase.
Yesterday I posted the book synopsis to get some excitement started and today I am posting a sneak peak; well, more rather the first chapter to really get some excitement going and to whet your appetites for the full version of Letters To You.
So get ready and grab a tissue!
July
Her
heart was racing so fast she could barely breathe. It had been eight months since they had last
seen each other and now, here they were at the airport already saying goodbye;
two days went by so fast.
I have to tell him! She thought. The thought had been going through her mind
non-stop, playing over and over for the past 48 hours. I know things are not the same
with us, but I have to tell him. I won’t feel right if I don’t say something;
but I could feel worse after telling him. What if he doesn’t take it well? How
is he going to react? What if this is a
bad idea? Maybe I shouldn’t say
anything. Time was running out. He was getting ready to leave. I will
regret it if I don’t say anything. I
have to tell him!
He
looked at her to say goodbye. “Wait!” she said, stopping him before he could
say anything. “ I have to tell you something and I know it’s not something you want
to hear, but I really need to tell you because no matter which way this goes I
will regret it if I don’t say anything.
I have played with it over and over in my head and it’s been eating at
me for the last two days.” She took a
breath.
“To
start, I want to tell you that you didn’t break my heart (she lied) it was
already broken (true but he broke it even more). I still love you. I want to be with you, of course not now,
it’s not our time, but you are what I want.”
He just
looked at her not saying anything thing.
His face, very subtly, looked surprised and possibly a bit confused, but
she wasn’t sure. She took another breath
and continued.
“I can’t
sleep, I’m not myself. I’m empty; I gave
you so much; so much that I have nothing left to give, not even to you. I gave you a part of myself I have never given
anyone, and I don’t ever want to give myself like that to anyone again, I don’t
know if I will ever be able to. I’m half
a person without you and I hate it. I
hate how I feel without you. I miss who
I am when I am with you and how I feel when I am with you.”
“I didn’t realize this was so hard for
you. I really didn’t know you felt this
way.” He was shocked. Why hadn’t she said
anything? Why did she act like
everything was ok? I thought she understood? “You said you weren’t out here
for me”
“I’m not
out here for you, seeing you, was a bonus. I didn’t…what was I supposed….you…”
she couldn’t find her words. She was
shaking with emotion she was losing her train of thought. She had recited everything in her head for
the past two days, she knew what she wanted to say by heart but now it was all
a mish mash of words in her head that didn’t make sense and she could feel the
tears trying to push their way through. I don’t want him to see me cry.
“I didn’t
think your feelings had changed until I realized you took off my charm,
apparently, because you need to leave that part of your life behind? How can you just put it on a shelf? How can you just put me on a shelf?’ She was struggling even more now and the
force of promising tears were taking over.
Don’t let him see you cry, I don’t
want him to see me cry.
“You are basically telling me that you are, or
need to get over me, over us! How am I
supposed to feel? The most important
time of my life and you put it on a shelf like it’s nothing! Like it’s easy for you!”
“How can
you say that to me? That it’s
easy?” He said sounding a little hurt;
and he was hurt. He felt betrayed. How could she be saying all this stuff to
me? The one person in my life I never
expected this from. Like every other
girl, telling me things are ok when they have completely different motives. Why
didn’t she tell me? I thought being friends was going really great! How could I be so naïve? “I’m sorry if I mislead you in
anyway. I thought you knew there was no
future for us.”
“What
gave you the idea I didn’t want a future with you or that I stopped loving you?
Tell me? What gave you that impression?”
“You
said you weren’t coming out here for me?
I thought from that you knew there was no future”
“I’m not
out here for you, I told you that and I meant it, but that doesn’t mean I
thought there was no future, just that we were doing different things for now
and maybe later in a few years we would get back together. Last time…”
she trailed off, she could feel the tears making their way to her tear
ducts and she was using all her energy too keep them from making their full
journey. I don’t want him to see me cry. “Last time you said we were just
friends and look what happened, what was I supposed to think?”
He
reached out his hand.
“Don’t”
she said turning away and reaching to grab her stuff. She wanted so much to feel his arms around
her but she was so confused. How could this be? What changed? What happened to the strong love that could
never be broken?
“Don’t
walk away” he said. “Don’t do something
you might regret.” She turned to look at
him and as their eyes met he reached out to put his arms around her and she let
him. He embraced her in his arms, the arms that she loved so much; the arms
that made her feel so safe, the arms that she was afraid would never hold her
again. “I love you” he said softly.
Her heart fluttered.
“But I’m not in love with you anymore.”
Her stomach wrenched into a sickening ball
adding to the tears that had almost made their way to her waiting eyes. Not yet.
She
stepped back, hoisted on her backpack and looked up into his eyes. His eyes
were always so powerful with an impenetrable stare that could stop any girl in
their footsteps. She loved those eyes just as the moon loves the night and the
morning tide loves the fresh cool sand.
She was searching them…for what, she wasn’t sure; but that impenetrable
stare that she loved so much was now a searching stare, with hurt and
confusion.
“Do you know the saying if you love something
let it go and if it comes back it’s yours?”
“Yes of
course I do” he said a little confused at the question that seemed to have
nothing to do with the situation.
With
everything she had left inside of her, with every last bit of her heart she
said “Just remember, I came back; twice!”
He
almost seemed to wince with the last word.
With
nothing left in her but her pride she turned and walked towards the terminal;
the tears finally finishing their journey and now flowing down her cheeks.
He
didn’t go after her.
